Who is me?

In high school I devoted an inordinate amount of time to figuring out who I was. What did I like? What was I good at? What were my feelings on certain matters? By the time I graduated I thought I had myself pretty figured out. Then I went to college and met some great people who taught me that maybe I could be better, so I changed a little but still knew who I was. My mission deepened my sense of spirituality and added and tweaked my image but I was still confident in that image and with that confidence I came home and got married.

Although I have expanded this concept of who I was as I became a husband and then father and career man, I have always still held onto some of the fundemental likes, dislikes and traits. I am a poet, a hopeless romantic, a right-brained individual.

Recently, as I have blogged before, I'm back in school. I've done surprisingly well in both of my previous math classes (better than I ever did in high school) and found them to not be nearly as difficult as I remembered. This semester I've started Calculus again. Apparently they don't believe I remembered enough from almost 15 years ago. I don't believe it either. However, I have a great teacher who has got to be one of the funniest math teachers I've ever known. Today, my math book finally arrived. Saved me $50 waiting until the first day of class instead of just blindly buying what the bookstore recommended. As I was driving home I was thinking about the homework that is being put off to write this blog post. I have an English assignment for my Technical Writing class and my Calc homework that I can finally start on.

I actually thought the calc homework would be more fun. When I realized the thought I had and that I really did feel that way about this math....I had a sudden crisis of self. How on earth did that ever happen??? Granted, technical writing is really kinda boring and has to follow all of these strict rules that I have forgotten most of or never cared about and still don't. Creative writing is where my heart still lives. But wanting to do math over writing of any kind?!

I felt very lost. I still am wandering in a thick fog. What seemed so clear earlier today has become nebulous like a representation of the internet in an IT textbook. My heart is crying out for time to sort and discover and regain some semblence of who I am. But alas, I have homework...and my job, and a honey-do list to rival Santa's Naughy-and-Nice. So it is I will finish this post with the still lingering question, "Who is me?"