Culmination and Crashing

The semester is coming to an end...always a great sense of relief knowing that I have only a little left to do and I get a break. Much needed as there wasn't really a break between semesters earlier this year. And then I start in on the death march. I know my wife hates it when I refer to these last 4 semesters like that but I'm trying to be optomistic.

This coming fall I will have class 4 nights a week. It really hit home when I was telling Ethan and Adeena that they needed to be big helpers for Mom because I wouldn't be home until after they are in bed. Adeena asked if I can at least come in and tell them goodnight after I get home but it may not be until after 8:30pm and I'd hope they were sleeping by then. On the up-side, I know my kids still love me and like me around when they say things like that.

My schedule will be kinda crazy because it's going to require I get up half an hour earlier. Which most people wouldn't like but could deal with. But I'm getting up at 5:30am right now. 5 just sounds too scary to think about. We'll see how that goes.

And lastly, I have a great wife. She inspires me, encourages me, expects the world of me and still loves me when the best I can do is give her a little clod of dirt.

Coming Home

The end of a long drive--
filled with people
who still insist
that paying attention to their driving
is not as important
as the text they are sending
or receiving--
culminated in cresting a hill
to see green fields
waving in the breeze.
The skyline of houses
and steeples
I call home
stood waiting for me
like the great city of Oz
and I like some weird hybrid
needing a brain, a heart, some courage
and feeling a little lost
just needed to cross these vast
green fields
in hopes that after I did,
everything would be ok.
Somedays, I do believe
there really is a wizard.

Smelling like a turkey

There must be something in the air. Perhaps it's the changing of the seasons...you know, allergies and stuff, or maybe it's the day and age we live in? I can only guess. Maybe it's the wear and tear of parenthood that grinds on a more selfish generation of adults? You know, we never had to help out on the farm or spend Saturdays working for the family business. We didn't have to learn how to give up what we wanted to help the family. And so now, we've tired of parenthood and want to move on. We want what we want now.

Or maybe we are looking at our parent's generation and thinking they sacraficed so much of what they wanted and look how miserable things turned out. My father loves woodworking but spent 9-5 doing accounting. Are we looking at them and thinking we don't want to end up the same? There is a great line at the end of a slightly funny but also crude show called "Accepted" where the kid asks a bunch of adults on the school accredidation board if they wanted to be administrators when they were in school? Is this what they wanted to be when they grew up??

I don't have those answers. I'm just asking the questions. Because I'm there too. I spent my youth trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I figured it out, I didn't have the guts, the faith, the willingness to risk collosal failure to try and be what I wanted. Instead I went into IT. Now software testing. Hopefully in a few years software development. Don't get me wrong, outside of a coworker here and there I have really enjoyed what I do and what I'm working towards but in high school this isn't where I saw myself.

Am I too late? Did I already squander the time I had to persue my dreams and now I'm locked into my current path? Should I just "grow up" and accept that being an adult means doing what you have to or what makes you feel okay but not what makes you happy? Or do I try and make the time to pursue my dreams on the side?

I believe that is compromise my generation is making that many of our parents didn't. We are trying to do it all and not feel guilty for it. I believe it can happen. With proper planning and organization and NOT letting one squeeze out the others and learning when to let one dominate for a little while but still allow for the rest, I believe we can achieve the lives we want both from a personal and family perspective. My sister-in-law used to tell her kids that after they went to bed it was her time. And during HER time she went by her first name, not Mom. Personally, I don't think we really ever get to take off the parent hat. But maybe we cover it up instead. If it's not an emergency, I'm taking a lunch break from parent-mode.

To achieve this utopia, we need to be willing to sacrefice on all fronts a little. But with communication, understanding and set expectations, we should be able to do it. When I get done trying to fit student, dad, husband, employee, handyman, actor, and writer into my life, I'll let you know how it goes. Right now I'm doing a right crappy job on most fronts. But here is to the dream and I hope you find a way to achieve it.

April Showers are supposed to be rain

Ahh snow...how I dislike thee (we aren't supposed to hate), let me count the ways:
1) You are cold
2) You require cold to exist
3) You make travel treacherous
4) IT'S APRIL!!
5) Did I mention the cold?

And just so I don't totally miss a month, I'm posting this on the next to last day of what should be a spring-time April...you know the one where I watched a virtual blizzard out my office window. But let's not throw Mother Nature under the bus, it's us humans doing it, right. Global warming and all of that.

Anyone ever hear the term "yard fun"? Yeah me neither. Why do I have one when the only word it gets paired with is "work"? I guess in the 50's it was so Dad could experience the frustration of Mom at having to do a lot of work, only to watch it be undone. But now that we live in an enlightened age where Dad should be washing dishes and doing laundry and cleaning the house, can't we get rid of yard work? Can't we just get grass that greens up on it's own, doesn't need sprinklers that break every year, and stays the same nice even height? I mean, come on!

March Madness

Oh boy...do I have March Madness right now. As a matter of fact, it's sweeping through everyone in my house! And that includes my wife's sister and her 7 kids. Ok, so maybe not Brooklyn but she's still a cute little baby. They came to stay with us on Monday afternoon because events in their lives that are compelling them to move to Oregon...to a town where nobody knows what a 4 bedroom house is. With 7 kids, this is frustrating for them. So until they find something, they are house hopping, this week we took them in. Yes, I know it's only Thursday...and morning at that. But 3 adults and 12 kids in a house that feels full with only 5 kids sometimes...thank goodness for nice weather and a fenced backyard. But the strain is showing. Time for a bigger house! :)

In conjunction with that is what most people refer to and that is NCAA tourny. Always a fun time as I totally guess at teams I know nothing about and then for some reason still get emotionally involved when my bracket does poorly. Which it does every year.

On top of that, as was announced by the company that just bought the company that bought us a few years ago, my company(or division) is up for sale. This creates no small amount of stress at work as our future is uncertain. But my team has tried to deal with it in fun and humorous ways. On such way was to create our own 'bracket' of companies that might buy us. Some could have been real prospects, some were just for fun (Larry H. Miller, Rio Tinto, Disney) and no I'm not going to be listing any real prospects/rumored prospects because I know nothing. But it was a huge hit in our engineering department although very few have actually filled out the bracket and returned it.

And last but not least, it's spring time. Which means cold nights, warmer days and plants beginning to think they should blast pollen into the air like their very survival depends on it. I love allergies. Their like the huge zit in the middle of a teenager's forehead that can be popped forever and never goes away. Or the annoying neighbor kid that has decided you should know everything on his mind. Or cats.

blowing his nose....again,
Mark

Bearing in mind

So it seems that 3/4ths of the world/ward is pregnant...again. Didn't we just do this two years ago? Aren't our poor nursery workers deserving of a break? Isn't our sacrament meeting loud enough with the gajillion kids we already have?

The answer to all three questions is YES! And personally it's great. Babies are cute. And God did say to "multiply" and replenish the earth. Not just add but multiply. I'm just glad we're done with math. I'd have to buy a bigger van. We'd need a bigger kitchen table. I don't want to do diapers again...EVER! And the twins are finally big enough to get into serious trouble without any help from the older kids! Oh wait......

So Easter has been on my mind for about a month...when the twins got into the storage room and started hauling the plastic Easter eggs out in droves, gaggles and Dora backpacks. I now have a slew of half-eggs littering my house. I think the Easter bunny may be on vacation this year. Probably not. I'm starting to run out of Halloween and Christmas candy.

Easter this year will be special. Not that it isn't other years but my oldest daughter has the same unfortunate situation as my wife: on a regular basis, her birthday will be on a holiday. Although on a more regular basis, Adeena's birthday will be on General Conference weekend. As it is this year. She gets Easter, General Conference and her birthday all on the same day. She's excited. I'm glad because she'll hate it as adult.

And the week after Easter/GC/Adeena's b-day, I get to baptize Ethan. I know. I can't believe my #2 is 8 either. Scary. But the good news is that means he is going into scouts and that means Dad gets to get his power-tools on and make stuff...I'll let him touch the pinewood derby car once it's done. ;-) I'm just excited because I hope it will help him be a better person and I have a few good memories of being a scout. Just a few.

Till next time...

**Edited to fix what seemed like a cynical comment but really wasn't meant to be**

Hearts on your sleeve

February is finally here. Valentine's Day has long been one of my favorite holidays. Being a hopeless romantic for most of my life really helped. Of course, until the Valentine's Day my first year in college, I never actually had a girlfriend to dote upon. For eleven years now I've had a beautiful wife to give flowers and chocolate and try to plan romantic things for...but something was different. As the years have progressed, my excitement for the holiday has waned.

It's not that I love my wife less...if anything it's quite the opposite. So I took to some soul searching to figure out why it was that I get less and less worked up for what was my favorite holiday. Here is what I have learned:

1) Valentine's Day is different when you can throw every dollar you own at it because you don't have a mortgage, to buy food, pay utilities (always higher during this stretch of the year)

2) Valentine's Day was a chance for me to let girls I liked, know I liked them because I was too chicken the rest of the year.

3) I try to show my wife how much I love her all year long so I'm not trying to pack a year's worth of love into one day. Plus, a marriage should be built on consistent affection. You can't make up in one day for 364 days of neglect.

4) Our Anniversary is at the end of November which I feel is a much better time to celebrate our love. Doing it again 2 and a half months later after paying for Christmas is a litte more difficult.

5) What I wanted romantically vs. what I had were worlds apart back then compared to now where they are pretty equal.

6) I don't have hours upon hours every week to think about it because I have other things which are more pressing.

And 7) I really suck at planning more than a few days or a week in advance. In high school I flew by the seat of my pants. On my mission we planned one week at a time. Most of my college classes have assignments done on a weekly basis. As a poor high school student it was easier to delay planning and still pull something off. Now I need to plan a baby-sitter, make reservations and figure out how to pay for it.

So over the years I've learned that Valentine's Day for many is an excuse or a reason to show the one they love how much they care but when you try and show it on a regular basis Valentine's Day transforms into a simple reminder once a year that if I haven't celebrated it at least once a month the other 11 months since the last time, I need to step it up. I love my wife. I'm lucky to have her and I'm thrilled she will be my Valentine for eternity. And I'm grateful that if I try, every day can be Valentine's Day with her.