Cabbage droppings

If anybody asks, I didn't do it. And no, I'm not talking about my homework...well, not right now. I seem to be stuck in a holding pattern. I remember laughing a lot once. I remember doing more or at least it seemed like I did more. I feel lost most of the time like I'm treading water looking around for something to swim towards.

Oh my life seems to have direction, I have a career and a future career path, I'm still gaining ground on my degree, my kids are getting older whether I like it or not and we have a financial plan. But as a person, I'm languishing. I'm unfullfilled. I figure that's a bad thing so it's time to re-evaluate myself. I know my spirituality has been lacking so of course that's where I will start. Hopefully, that will turn on the lights and help me find my way.

Where has my little dog gone

Ok,so I don't have a dog nor do I care where anyone elses dog is. My summer update goes like this: I'm still one valve down on my sprinkler system. I fear this will be the story of my life. Always having 4 out 5 valves working is a little sad. BUT my major accomplishment of the summer was finishing our fence!! Lots of long hours digging and mixing concrete in my wheelbarrow and getting the posts to be straight and I can finally not worry about stepping in dog poop when I mow my back lawn. YAY!!

I'm still rolling along with school and have had my graduation from SLCC accepted for December of this year! Yep, I will finally have some semblence of a degree. Granted it's just an AS but it's better than an outdated certification. I also started up at Weber this fall so I'm on my way to my Bachelor's. The only bad part is that I'm burning out like a lightbulb left on 24/7 for two years. It's getting harder to kick my butt to do homework. I'm starting to dread assignments.

Anyway, we've had the round of sickees and now I'm hoping we'll have a round of healthees for a while. I'm really rather tired of cleaning up puke. Oh and Michelle got her hair colored and cut and she looks FABUL-ICIOUS!!

MOOOOO!

Who is me?

In high school I devoted an inordinate amount of time to figuring out who I was. What did I like? What was I good at? What were my feelings on certain matters? By the time I graduated I thought I had myself pretty figured out. Then I went to college and met some great people who taught me that maybe I could be better, so I changed a little but still knew who I was. My mission deepened my sense of spirituality and added and tweaked my image but I was still confident in that image and with that confidence I came home and got married.

Although I have expanded this concept of who I was as I became a husband and then father and career man, I have always still held onto some of the fundemental likes, dislikes and traits. I am a poet, a hopeless romantic, a right-brained individual.

Recently, as I have blogged before, I'm back in school. I've done surprisingly well in both of my previous math classes (better than I ever did in high school) and found them to not be nearly as difficult as I remembered. This semester I've started Calculus again. Apparently they don't believe I remembered enough from almost 15 years ago. I don't believe it either. However, I have a great teacher who has got to be one of the funniest math teachers I've ever known. Today, my math book finally arrived. Saved me $50 waiting until the first day of class instead of just blindly buying what the bookstore recommended. As I was driving home I was thinking about the homework that is being put off to write this blog post. I have an English assignment for my Technical Writing class and my Calc homework that I can finally start on.

I actually thought the calc homework would be more fun. When I realized the thought I had and that I really did feel that way about this math....I had a sudden crisis of self. How on earth did that ever happen??? Granted, technical writing is really kinda boring and has to follow all of these strict rules that I have forgotten most of or never cared about and still don't. Creative writing is where my heart still lives. But wanting to do math over writing of any kind?!

I felt very lost. I still am wandering in a thick fog. What seemed so clear earlier today has become nebulous like a representation of the internet in an IT textbook. My heart is crying out for time to sort and discover and regain some semblence of who I am. But alas, I have homework...and my job, and a honey-do list to rival Santa's Naughy-and-Nice. So it is I will finish this post with the still lingering question, "Who is me?"

Creamed Corn and Tabasco Sauce

It's one of those titles that makes you click to read the blog just because of the title. I'm not like Aaron Ball who gets people to read regardless of what he calls his post. We just know that even if he title it "Orange" or "Wednesday" that his particularly candid view of the world will be there for us to laugh at. Sorry Aaron but even when you're serious, it's still funny.

So I'm getting really annoyed at teachers who believe their class will be the start of some student's journey into their field of expertise. Don't get me wrong, passion in teaching is critical to get the students involved and interested. But I'm talking college. I'm talking about General Ed classes. These aren't the classes I'm taking because someday I want to get into this field. These are the classes I'm forced to take so I have a "well-rounded" (read more money in their coffers) education. These have nothing to do with my chosen career. Sure some of it is interesting but let's face it, I thought about going into psychology in high school. I never took the class in high school because I had other classes I considered more fun with cuter girls. Dude, chior girls were hot! I also only took the minimum amount of science to graduate. I transfered out of honors chemistry into basic chemistry because the honors chemistry teacher was passionate. I feel the same way about anatomy and psiology. But there isn't another class to transfer into. I'm stuck. I'm sorry but if this were going to be my life's work, I'd want to go to campus and get the full experience. I wouldn't sign up for the online class. I'm in the online class because I need a stupid science credit to graduate. See basic chemistry.

And this is my beef. These are well published, bottom-rung division gen-ed classes. Those interested in the major take them so they can get into higher level classes where the real stuff is, the rest of us take them to graduate. We don't really care like you, the teacher, do. We just want a passing grade and a diploma. SO WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU INFLICTING YOUR PASSION ON ME!!!!! That isn't a question. I don't want an answer. It's like, "How are you?" Sometimes I care but you'll know by the way I say it that I do not just because I say it. My Finance teacher gets it. He cancelled the final because summer semester is so short. My psychology teacher just crammed two chapters into 1 week and dropped an essay. My A&P professor just said get more done in less time. Oh and the final is on campus. And it's 50% of your grade. Seriously? I'm taking an online class for a reason. This is a freaking gen-ed. I'M GOING INTO COMPUTER SCIENCE! I fully expect to get carpal tunnel and fat from sitting at a desk all day typing code. I don't need to know all of the parts of my body that are going to hate me for that. And I especially don't care that the medical field as come up with all of it's own lingo for things. A synovial articulated joint is three words that all mean the same stupid thing!

I could go on. I won't. This is long enough as it is. Someday I'd like to teach a gen-ed. Creative writing or something. I think I'd have one of those classes that is filled on day 3 of registration. Not that it would be an easy A. But because I'd know it was a general ed. I'd know why they were taking the class and teach to that. The kids would love it. I recommend this personal finance class to anyone who needs that gen-ed category. This class actually has stuff I wish I had learned fresh out of high school or just home from the mission instead of 10+ years later when I've learned most of it by necessity. But Dennis Wilson gets that it's a gen-ed. Thank goodness.

What a 4th of JUUUULY!

Life happens and sometimes you can't control it. You just have to go with the flow. And so it was that this 4th of July weekend found me with 4 days off work and 2 weekend days sandwiched in between them.

Thursday we went to the zoo. I like the zoo. It's fun to see the animals and the twins are old enough to get out of the stroller more and they thought that was great. Of course their favorite thing was the snake slide in the kids playground. Michelle wanted to get there early and we did, arriving around 10am. We were done and had lunch and were out of there close to 1pm. Well what's across the street? "This is the Place" State Park. So we went over there and got to look at some of the old buildings and learn about pioneer days and gave my kids some appreciation for how much house we actually have. Michelle loved it because they have spinning and weaving there. I'm fascinated by the architecture of the old buildings. We went into the ZCMI store just as the storm blew in. So we got to sit and watch it dump rain and when it let up a little we darted across the street to the Huntsman Hotel and got ice cream. At this point I was tired and the twins were driving us crazy so we hopped the train to the entrance and came home.

Friday I don't remember much of what we did during the day...quite possible lazed around. That night we had the Round-about of Fire in our neighborhood. Only one announcement was made in Priesthood meeting and a flier was distributed 2 hours before it started and we still got 145 people there. Better attended than some of our more organized ward functions! We had some hot dogs and chips and desserts and watched a great fireworks show considering when the whole thing started we had 5 fireworks. Big thanks and shout out to the Hardy's for donating their stash and to the Wards for sharing the awesome finale.

Saturday we went to Michelle's brother's house for yet another 4th of July celebration. I was surprised at how many people were there...a lot more than last year. It was fun. Rob and Heather did a great job. I was disappointed by how many of those people left before we did fireworks but we still had a great show without them. :) The only thing I wish we had done was bring bug spray.

Sunday we had nothing planned...thank goodness because....

Monday we packed our minivan to capacity and went camping with Michelle's siblings and their families. It was fun despite the chaos of 3 families with 5 or more kids and trying to keep the twins from killing themselves. However, the grand tally of casualties was high in the bug bite department. Ethan and Adeena got eaten alive on their faces. While the rest of them were staying until Wed, we had to get back on Tuesday so I could go to work. Totally worth it. We got to stay the whole day and hang out but still slept in a real bed that night.

While we were there I had a couple of growing experiences as a parent. I tend to be over-protective as a parent knowing what kind of child I was. But Michelle's bro-in-law had brought a big ax and BB guns. So of course they pulled out the big ax to chop wood. Ethan asked and I said NOOOO. But as I watched and knew that this bro-in-law was supervising really well and had taught his kids the correct way to do it, I felt more comfortable. Not enough to let Ethan use the big ax but when another bro-in-law brought out his hatchet for the younger kids, I let Ethan have a whack at it...literally. I also relented and let him shoot a BB gun, much to his surprise. These are good life skills you may never know when you need them. And this bro-in-law, while kinda crazy sometimes is quite safety conscious and has been in scouts for a long time. I think that trip did me some good and helped me to see that my kids aren't going to be 4 or 5 forever. I have some very capable older children and I need to let them grow up like my parents let me. Only I'll do better when it comes time for them to leave home and I'll accept that they may not come back.

As birthdays go

Yesterday I officially turned 32. And boy did I make it hard on my poor wife. I haven't really thought about what I wanted for a birthday or Christmas very much, if at all. Michelle will attest to the fact that I'm the hardest to shop for. She has been pestering me for a while about what I wanted for a present. Then she asked what I wanted dinner and what kind of cake was my favorite and what kind of ice cream....if I wanted a party or not. It took me a long time to figure out answers to those tough questions.

But I did finally come up with some answers and she delivered wonderfully on all of them. And she was happy despite the intense effort the twins put forth to wear her down and make her cranky.

So I took half a day off work and went golfing at WestRidge Golf Course. It's a nice course and they have monthly specials for Mon-Thurs 9-3 play. Because I played as a single I got paired with a 2-some and another single. The first 9 holes took over 2.5 hours because we were all a little rusty and not doing quite so good...me especially. But then I was playing from the white tees for the first 3 holes while they played from the blue. I decided that wasn't really social and I was just out there for fun so I played the blues from there on out. For the golfing uninformed tee color determines length. Red = Women's tees(shortest distance to hole). White = Men's and Blue = Pro(longest distance to hole). I'd never played the blue tees before but found that the farther tee box also meant a little more elevation which increased my drive distance. And the second hole after teeing up at the blues, I found my drive. While my putting stunk, I had great drives from that point on for the most part. And the weather was perfect...hot but otherwise fantastic.

Then I went home and had a great time with my family and spent the time after kid-bedtime watching a movie with Michelle. As birthdays go, this ranks in the top 5. I even had two of my brothers call me to wish me a happy birthday. Thanks Glen and Kent.

Clubs(and not golf sadly)

Ever have a goal or project that you know is going to take a while and the motivation to just do it seems lacking? Join the club! No seriously. Recently a neighbor of mine suggested we form a writing club to help us both try and make some progress on our works in progress. Brilliant! I love to write and have 3 stories in the works plus some back stories for some role-playing characters. We just need more people to help the motivation.

My wife finds this helps her as well when she is knitting something that will take a while, she logs into her knitting forum and joins a knit-a-long where everyone in the group is knitting the same pattern. Then they all post pictures of where they are or of the finished product when they get there. Along the way they chat and encourage each other.

Those who know me well, know that in high school, writing wasn't a problem. Not only did I have classes that required it but I was in a groove. I tried writing for a local newspaper but they wanted facts and unbiased writing...meh, I put my emotions into everything I write. I think it's what makes it worth reading. I didn't last long. I still occassionally write poetry when an image or phrase grabs me. I've written lyrics to several songs. But the time commitment is small. And right now time is precious. Most of my writing has to do with school work on predefined topics with that logical, just-the-facts element. Most novelists seclude themselves and spend all day immersed in the medium. My work, school and family won't permit that currently. So when Ryan suggested we start a writing club, I was all-in. Although we both realized that it would be limited at the moment but the potential was there. Hopefully, this will mean more than a couple of paragraphs with appear in these stories.

Now if only there was a "putting up your vinyl fence and installing a retaining wall club". Oh wait, I don't seem to have the time for that either. :)